Toilet Training Rant

I am so sick of toilet training it is not funny.

I have tried everything I can think of and it hasn't worked, if someone else tells me to be patient I may just punch them.

I have tried:

• letting him run around in undies all day (he just wees on the floor)
• making him drink heaps of water (he just wees on the floor)
• letting him run around naked on the grass (he waits until we are inside and wees on the floor)
• buying a potty (he scoots around the house in it like a car but doesn't wee)
• getting a singing potty (he just plays with it, no wees. And I want to kill the stupid thing)
• buying a kiddie seat for the toilet (he just removes it and replaces it, over and over again)
• giving rewards and cheers for successful trips to the toilet (he would get stickers or stamps but he needs to actually do something first)
• singing songs to him so he'll relax and go (he waits until we are off the toilet and wees on the floor)
• allow him to close the door so he has privacy (he just shoves an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet)
• stop trying, wait a few months until the girls at daycare insist that he is totally ready (he occasionally goes to the toilet for them but never for me, the bastard!)